He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
