Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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