hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
