I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
