I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
