very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
