I am spending my child support on dildos
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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