please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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