You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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