i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
third nipple confirmed
did you just send me my own nude
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
