Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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