My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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