Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
