It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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