i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
