She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
