Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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