There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
