ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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