I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think a kid would responsible me up
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
