My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
