Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my being single is dangerous.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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