nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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