guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Dick very happy bro
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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