If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
