I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
