My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
