When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
