I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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