So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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