I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
