Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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