1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
