We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
