We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
