The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
