My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
