the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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