garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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