I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
