did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
