is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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