oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
