Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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