I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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