She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she told me i tasted like america
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my liver is dry heaving
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
