i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
