so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
did i just pee glitter
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
