The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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