I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
