Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
